


uhm..... that's gay.....

by Ididntsignupforthisshit (myhamartia)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adult Talks, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Tony Stark, Coming Out, Everyone Is Gay, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gay Steve Rogers, Humor, Lots of it, M/M, OHHH!!!!!, Peter loving Michelle and Ned and Pining™ after them bc Yes, Polyamory, So yeah, Typical Gen Z humor, and that's ok, but your dads are dummies, gay memes, i wrote this at 3AM and I honestly dont have regrets lmao, ig?, most times h a h, the Old Timers don't get Peter's brand of humor, when you think that you came out a long ass time ago..., you know what im talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 08:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14328195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myhamartia/pseuds/Ididntsignupforthisshit
Summary: "Guys," he muttered softly, addressing the room.Tony merely grunted, while Bruce hummed, glancing over to Peter for a second."Is it gay of me to want to move to Florida with Ned and start a custom travel mug retail business and raise a bunch of Rottweiler puppies?"Tony looked up from his schematic to Bruce, who looked about as bewildered as he did.Or: Wherein Tony really doesn't understand Peter's gay humor.





	uhm..... that's gay.....

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CyrusBreeze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyrusBreeze/gifts).



> yall,,,,,,, I get that some of you might find this offensive, but this is pretty well based off of the humor of all the gay kids i know. it's not meant to be offensive, but I get that it Might Be to some people. If you're offended by flippant uses of the word "Gay" or "Queer" - or those jokes where you call something homophobic at your slightest inconvenience, then honestly, just back tf out of this, because that's what this is centered around.
> 
> Police yourself. Please don't come into my space telling me how I'm wrong, or I shouldn't use that kind of humor.
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> Now if that note didn't scare you off, please! Enjoy this! I had a lot of fun writing it and I honestly giggled through most of it
> 
> and! this! is! a! gift! to my wonderful, amazing friend Emersyn, whom I love <3

Tony never claimed to understand today's youth.

Even though he interacted with his fair share of teenagers running around his place and the Avengers compound, there was always a level to them that he'd never understand.

For instance: Peter and his best friend Ned spent most all of their free time at the compound. It was a given, and they were a self-proclaimed packaged set; nothing could separate them - and with Ned and Peter working so close together, it was strongly towards Peter's benefit that Ned was up to date on everything to do with Peter's suit and how to be his  _ Guy in the Chair _ .

When Ned and Pete got talking, Tony barely had any idea of what they were talking about. When he'd try and ask them about it, he would usually get a shrug and a short answer: "It's a meme." Or...  _ something  _ like that.

They looked at Tony like they believed he was too old to understand this. Tony was beginning to agree with them.

It went beyond their jokes, too. It was certainly a generational gap issue - the kids went above and beyond when it came to modern day issues. They attended the marches and the rallies. They were outraged over the news and had some Very strong political opinions, for a bunch of seventeen year olds.

Tony was never this active when he was a teenager. He was too busy earning his degree, but that's beside the point. It honestly blew his mind when the kids would turn down fun things so him, or the team because they had  _ A Thing _ that usually had to do with getting homemade protest signs and convincing Aunt May and Ned's mom to let them honestly with their friend Michelle to attend a march.

But further on...

Even through all the activism and acceptance Peter showed, Tony just couldn't Believe some of the things that came out of his mouth 

As a kid growing up, when it came to queer issues, there was almost no vocabulary for any of the LGBTQA labels that there were nowadays. There was the good ol' Gay and Straight and Lesbian, sure. Bisexual wasn't a term Tony had heard commonly until college.

Usually, when people called something Gay, it was an insult. A slur.

The queer community had changed and evolved so much throughout the years. Things held different meanings, now. There was new slang he didn't fully understand, terms he didn't recognize. Slurs were reclaimed.

He figured that just because he didn't get something, that didn't make it inherently bad.

But he had to wonder sometimes.

Peter lied on the floor of the lab, coming down from a caffeine high he had gotten from an all too-large iced coffee Bucky had supplied him with. He was watching some YouTube video on a holoscreen projected a few inches above his face.

"Guys," he muttered softly, addressing the room.

Tony merely grunted, while Bruce hummed, glancing over to Peter for a second.

"Is it gay of me to want to move to Florida with Ned and start a custom travel mug retail business and raise a bunch of Rottweiler puppies?"

Tony looked up from his schematic to Bruce, who looked about as bewildered as he did.

"I don't see how-," Tony started. Before he could finish his thought, Peter clicked his tongue.

" _ Welp _ . Better tell Ned the trip's off, then." 

He unceremoniously rolled over and pushed himself up, the holoscreen moving along with him until he swiped it away. He grabbed his things from the workbench before announcing that he was going to go crash, and left for his top .

"What does that mean?" Tony asked.

Bruce shrugged. "A Gen Z thing, maybe."

Tony just hummed thoughtfully and threw himself back into his work.

It was little things like that. Occasionally, Ned would say something affectionate, or throw out an "I love you," with a cheeky smile. Or someone would say something totally off the wall and  _ Completely  _ off topic and Peter would laugh with his head thrown back.

"That's the gayest thing I have ever heard!" he'd declare, or say things like: “Gay culture is visiting Taco Bell at 3AM in your damaged armor because you accidentally forgot to eat dinner.”

It'd put a worried little frown on Tony's face, but he never commented on it. It wasn't said with malice, even if it sounded a little bad on Tony's ears.

He worried about how Peter used those words, like he was using them too lightly - especially since Tony really had no idea is the kid was queer at all, or if those words were truly  _ His  _ to use, after all.

Peter, for all his flamboyant attitudes and how he wore his every emotion in his sleeve, held everything of that sort close to his chest. Tony didn't dare ask him about it, not wanting to sound insensitive, or to pry too far. Heaven forbid he pressure a child ( _ HIS _ child) out of the closet.

If he was, then the kid would tell him. In his own time. Probably.

It didn't stop Tony from wondering.

Especially when Peter went all gooey when he talked about his friend Michelle. He could rant and rave about her awesomeness and badassery for hours and  _ hours _ on end.

Wanda teased him, calling it a crush. He'd just laugh and roll his eyes, saying that was ridiculous.

But then he would turn around and say the same things about his best friend Ned, just tailored more to his character and nerdiest traits.

_ He's got this hat. He thinks it's so cool, and I didn't think it really was when he showed me a picture before buying it, but since I've seen it on him, I think it's the best thing in the world, _ he gushed to Steve once, who later told Tony with a fond little smile later.

No one teased Peter about maybe having a crush on Ned, and Tony thought that was a little bit fucked up - after all: why was "straight" the only option?

It shouldn't be, he believed. That's why when the next opportunity arose, he ribbed him about Ned, not just Michelle.

Peter blushed just like he did whenever he someone him about Michelle. 

Which. 

_ Interesting _ .

-

Peter groaned as the Circle Of Doom appeared over his Netflix episode. It was buffering Again.

"Oh my God," he gasped out, "Look, Friday: Homophobia at its finest."

"I don't see how shitty Wifi constitutes as biphobia," Tony cut in before the AI unit could.

Peter's head popped up from the couch to find Tony coming off of the elevator. He smiled at him brightly before gesturing to the television. "I wanna watch Rise and it isn't letting me. In this gay, Christian household?" He scoffed. "Homophobic." Like it explained everything. Because, to the kid, Tony guessed that it did.

Tony snorted. "Whatever you need to tell yourself, kid. The Wifi should be working again in about 6 minutes."

Peter cheered, on pumping a fist in the air. The weird use of such a heavy word stick around in Tony's brain for the rest of the evening. He kind of regretted not pressing the issue further and asking for clarity. After all, if you can't explain a word and understand the gravity behind it, perhaps you shouldn't use it.

He let it slipped past, but the issue didn't go unchecked for long. Peter made the error of using it in front of Cappy.

It was a Sunday brunch. Steve and Peter has been working most of the morning on a spread. Bucky and Tony hung out by the kitchen island while they watched the others cook.

Tony viewed it as a sort of family bonding time between the four of them. Even if Peter wasn't exactly their kid, Tony was a secondary guardian to him, in case any prying happened to his Aunt May. Sometimes Peter's exasperated " _ sure, ok, dads _ ," groaning sounded less sarcastic than they usually were, and a bit more genuine.

Peter was sipping on a glass of orange juice between trying to cook a batch of hollandaise sauce. It took a lot of practice to get his first edible batch, but Bucky was a good teacher and they got it down eventually.

Peter didn't always get it right, but it was good most of the time.

He whisked through the bowl atop the double boiler, watching as the egg thickened, but not enough to scramble.

"How does it look?" Bucky asked from the counter, popping a peanut into his mouth. He had a tendency to snack sometimes, even if it drive Steve and Tony absolutely crazy. Even so, they kept little bowls of bar nuts out for him.

"Fine?" he guessed. He put down the lip of the bowl to take a sip of his juice. He glanced back to Bucky. "So you want to take over?" he asked.

Bucky shook his head. "You've got this, kiddo." He smiled at Peter, who nodded worriedly.

"If you say so."

Less than fifteen seconds later, he groaned and reached up to click the stovetop off. He used the oven mitt to remove the bowl from the double boiler and dump the contents into the trash can. Tony could see that the egg had overcooked.

"Not to be homophobic or anything," Peter growled, mostly to himself. "But I kinda hate myself." He dumped the bowl into the sink and sighed sharply, muttering a tiny curse under his breath.

He seemed unaware of the shift in the atmosphere. Tony was frowning again. He looked to Bucky, who looked surprised at the outburst. Tony glanced at Steve, who was looking at Peter with an unreadable expression. He took the last waffle from the waffle maker and unplugged the device before turning to face the teenager fully.

He crossed his arms in an intimidating way, frowning openly.

"Peter," he said, tone firm.

Peter took one look at him and shrank away.

"I can try to make another batch," he offered defensively.

Steve shook his head. "No, that's not it. Why do you think it's alright to use that sort of language?" he asked.

Peter looked at him blankly for a second. "I... I was frustrated? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to curse," he swore.

Steve sighed. "Not that, either."

"The homophobic comment," Bucky supplied helpfully.

Peter's cheeks colored. "Oh. Uh.  _ Whoops _ ? I didn't know you guys were uncomfortable with me saying stuff like that; I won't say stuff like that around you again." He looked solidly to the floor. "Sorry," he muttered.

"I just don't understand the comment in general," Steve went on. "Why would you say something like that in the first place? Not only is it Completely self deprecating, but it's also damaging. Homophobia is a serious problem and it shouldn't be made light of, especially when you haven't experienced that kind of hate. Not even for a joke that... Doesn't even make sense."

"I..." Peter broke off, staring at Steve for a long moment. He looked at the two at the counter, but found no help in the two men. They wanted to hear what he was going to say, too. "Most of the kid's humor nowadays is self deprecating. It's just a thing." He gave a miserable shrug. "And I know homophobia is a problem. I know firsthand. Because I  _ have  _ experienced it, actually." He frowned, not breaking eye contact with Steve. "I don't joke about it because I take it lightly. It's just how we young queer kids deal with things, sometimes. I mean," he shrugged, "my high school nickname isn't  _ Penis Parker _ for nothing. And to explain the joke: homophobia is a hate against people who like the same sex. Since I'm queer as hell, to hate myself should have been labeled as homophobia." His words tapered off and he gave a tense smile. He rocked back on his heels. "So, uh... Yeah. If it makes you guys uncomfortable for me to joke like that, I won't do it anymore."

He rubbed a hand up and down his arm over his button down and waited for the reactions.

Bucky was the first to come around. "' _ Penis Parker' _ ," he quoted. "What the  _ fuck _ ." He looked livid.

Peter just shrugged it off. "I know jerk-faces," he said as-a-matter-of-factly, but did not state the names of the said jerk-faces. A wise choice, Tony thought, because he was steadily getting angrier and angrier now that this was brought to his attention. He wanted to have  _ Words  _ with the staff Peter's school. This was unacceptable.

But he had other things to work out at the moment.

"You never told us that you were gay," Tony piped up. Steve looked like he was going to say the same thing.

"I'm sorry for assuming you weren't," Steve continued. "That was bad of me."

Peter shrugged, not knowing how to reply.

"I thought you were interested in Michelle Jones," Bucky mused.

"He's interested in Ned," Tony cut in. He looked at Peter, eyebrows up. "Right?"

"Uh..." Peter looked them both over. "Both? Actually?  _ Technically _ , I'm  _ bi _ sexual."

Tony brightened up and reached across the island for a high five. "Bi-High Club," he declared. Peter grinned at he slapped his palm to Tony's. "Also... Poly club?" he guessed lightly.

Peter laughed and nodded. "Yep "

"Like father, like son, I told you both." He held his chin high and Bucky snorted, clipping his shoulder. Steve laughed off to the side and Peter grinned, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.

"I don't think that's how it works, Tony," he reminded him. "You've gotta be biological for that."

Tony snorted. "Like hell, you do." He shook his head. "How ridiculous.  _ Gotta be biological. Hah! _ " He scoffed at the very notion.

"Breakfast is getting cold," Steve reminded them.

They all say down at the table and dig into their plates.

Halfway through the meal, Peter frowned.

"So, hang on. How did you guys not know I'm queer? That takes up like 87% of my humor. On a lot day. I say ' _ wow, that's the Good Gay Representation _ ,' or literally: 'wow, I'm gay,' at least sixteen times a day."

"Maybe you don't say it as loud as you think you do," Bucky mused. 

"I haven't heard  _ too  _ much of it," Steve said after a drink of coffee. "I've heard a couple of jokes, but nothing else."

Tony shrugged next. "I thought it was a generational thing. You teens may as well be aliens."

Peter snorted. "For a pack of gays, you're all pretty blind," he informed them dutifully.

Tony snorted. "Thanks, kid."

"If it ain't in Vogue, I don't know what we're talking about, " Bucky replied cheekily. Peter laughed loudly, squeezing his eyes shut and doubling over. Tony smiled at him, taking in the sight of the kid being to joyful.

_ Yeah _ . So Tony didn't understand really teenagers. He never claimed to before, and he probably never would in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr!](http://peanutbutterandbitter.tumblr.com)  
>  send me prompts and things! All you really need to know is that i love Peter Benjamin Parker with my entire life.


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